Happy Birthday
by soundoftragedy
Summary: It's Dean's birthday, but loneliness is crushing him down. Sam feels different. Hurt/comfort, angst, one shot(?) Sad!suicidal!Dean Worried!asshole!caring!Sam S9 "Happy Birthday, brother"


Dean's birthday was within an hour and he couldn't feel more alone.

Sam wasn't talking to him or even acknowledging his presence, which made matters kinda worse.

It's not like he wanted to have a chick flick or throw a party, a simple "Happy Birthday" would be nice. Although, he doubted he'll get one this year, considering the circumstances.

He already spent the Christmas and New Years alone, what was one more day?

It wasn't like there was something big to celebrate, he kinda got that along the way. Their family wasn't the one to celebrate such things, ever. Of course, he would always try to do something special for Sammy, but..

Dean laid on the bed with heavy thoughts on his mind.

He was just so done.

With screwing things up, not being good enough… How could he possibly even _want to_ celebrate? Knowing the things he did, what kind of person he was… he knew he'd be better off dead.

He didn't wait for tomorrow to come.

Dean sighed and reached down for his happy pills. Sleep came hard to him these days, he just needed something to help him sleep. It was way better than being awake.

He shaked six of Somabien sleeping pills into his palm and gulped them down with beer. This should do the trick. If he was lucky, he will not be awake to witness his birthday alone.

Dean laid down once again, waiting for the pills to work.

Whatever hope he had died the moment Sam announced it was all over between them. The past couple of weeks he was secretly hoping that that day will be the last for him. He just wished for peace, he was just so tired of fighting this unfair fight and losing everything that he had. Maybe it wasn't fair to wish for death either, but it was the best solution he came up with, the easiest one too.

Sam would understand, eventually he would.

With that thought Dean drifted into a dreamless sleep, into the nothingness he wished so hard to have, but failed to reach.

* * *

It was Dean's birthday.

Sam was pacing back and forth, trying to figure out what to do.

He and Dean… their relationship was sinking. It was the worst they have ever been. And he had no clue if they will be able to figure it all out one day.

He was just so mad and he wanted to hurt his brother just as much as Dean hurt him, even more. And he was successfully doing it. He was just so done with all the lies, all this crap, he decided to put an end to it once and for all.

And he _did_ , or so he thought.

An annoying voice in his head kept telling him, that he screwed everything up between them for good, that there was no going back, that he destroyed his brother.

And maybe he had.

He knew Dean had a low self esteem and was blaming himself for… well, everything. And he used it against him.

And today was his _birthday_. It wasn't like they used to celebrate it like other people, but they always mentioned it somehow, went out to the bar together or have a little party just for themselves. Something.

Right now it's 3pm already and not a peep from Dean.

It was quite of worrying, considering what day it was.

He still wanted to wish him Happy Birthday, he wasn't a complete asshole. They could go to the dinner and have some pie or something too. He could bury his sword for today and raise a peace flag.

But time passed by and still nothing from his brother.

He's probably drinking today away, Sam thought. Or doesn't want to see me or go out in general.

Still, Sam went to investigate.

He knocked on the door and received no answer, so he just let himself in.

Dean was lying in the bed, sleeping.

 _That_ was weird, maybe he was sick?

The younger Winchester shimmered closer and gently shook Dean's shoulder, but got no reaction. That send warning bells inside of his head immediately.

Sam scanned everything around quickly and his eyes caught a bottle of pills lying in Dean's open bag.

Sleeping pills? Sam stared confused.

Since when Dean was popping pills so he could sleep?

The bottle was almost empty, so, Dean had it for a while.

 _Or he decided to take an easy way out_ , the voice in his head reminded him.

No.

Sam put his fingers on Dean's neck to take his vitals, his own heart beating wildly in his chest. These days he didn't know what to expect from his brother.

His vitals seemed fine, he didn't overdose.

Sam let out a relieved breath, he was just overreacting again.

Dean was just sleeping, dead to the world, to be exact. He doubted if even a tornado would be able to wake him up right now, considering what kind of pills he used, and knowing he was drinking before.

"Happy Birthday, bro" Sam patted Dean's shoulder gently, smiling sadly. Dean may not value his life or even consider himself worthy, but Sam knew better. He just hoped that it wasn't too late to show it.

Dean was feeling bad obviously, Sam just wished he could come to him if he needed any help.

"You know, I'm still here if you need to talk, Dean, if you need someone. Despite our arguments, I'm here. I just wish you could see it, jerk." he said to the silent room. Then he just pulled the blanket over Dean, tucking him in.

"Happy Birthday, brother."

* * *

tbc?  
(not sure tbh, you tell me)

reviews are more than welcome


End file.
